June 29, 2025
I started using kratom in June of 2020. For the first few years, it was just powder. Then, during the last two years of use, I started exploring kava/kratom tonics and extract "gel packets." I wasn’t an everyday extract user, but during social events, vacations, or stressful times, I’d take up to four in a day. My powder use hovered around 20 to 30 grams per day, though it varied.
I struggle with anxiety, depression, ADHD, and OCD. I had a long and complicated relationship with alcohol, binge drinking and partying throughout my teens and early adult years. After six months sober from alcohol, I started exploring “alcohol-free alternatives” and discovered kratom. I was sold on the idea that it was natural and harmless. But I still remember the first time kratom kicked in. I looked at my now-husband and said, “Oh, this stuff is like drugs.”
So deep down, I knew. I knew it wasn’t just a harmless plant supplement, but I kept taking it. It quickly became a daily habit and my first experience with physical addiction. Kratom became my crutch, my comfort, and my way of coping.
By December 2024, I hit a wall. Kratom wasn’t giving me anything anymore. No motivation, no mood lift, just numbness, anxiety, and guilt. I started isolating, planning my day around doses, and avoiding social interaction. That’s when I realized I couldn’t keep living like this.
During the first week of 2025, I promised myself I was done with extracts and would go from there. Even though I was still taking as much powder as I wanted, it wasn’t doing anything. Just removing the extracts alone brought on intense weepiness, depression, and temperature swings. I’d be shivering and shaking one moment, then profusely sweating the next.
I opened up to both my therapist (who specializes in addiction) and my doctor. They were incredibly supportive and understood how dangerous kratom use can be. I quickly cut down from 30 grams a day to 15, and then I started lowering 1 to 2 grams per week from there. I was definitely feeling the effects of being on such a low dose.
Around three to four weeks in, I was shocked at how bad I still felt. The small amount of kratom I was taking only staved off the physical symptoms like restless legs and runny nose. Everything else like the anxiety, restlessness, and cravings were intense. So I leaned in. I started running, taking cold showers, listening to the Kratom Sobriety Podcast, doing hot yoga, hitting the sauna, soaking in Epsom salt baths, anything to find relief. One day I got a “Zen” IV bag just to calm my nerves.
When I got to six grams per day, that was the hardest. I stayed there almost the whole month of March. At times, it felt impossible to go lower. I was still working full-time, teaching yoga on the side, easing back into socializing, and felt like I needed a little something to function even if it wasn’t really doing much anymore. After being stuck at six grams, I committed to three grams a day. I stayed there for a week before realizing that three grams wasn’t doing anything for me. So I jumped. Something clicked. I felt ready to move into a new chapter of my life.
I’ve always struggled with social anxiety, and I convinced myself I didn’t need anyone to stay sober. The thought of being seen…really seen…and vulnerable with a group of strangers filled me with discomfort and fear. But kratom addiction brought me to my knees. I needed someone to talk to who understood how I felt.
Kratom is a very isolating addiction that is often kept secret. We hide out in bathrooms, closets, and pantries to sneak scoops of powder or down extract shots, all while trying to convince everyone around us that nothing is wrong. I couldn’t isolate with my addiction anymore. I needed help.
I learned about the There Is a Way Out community through the Kratom Sobriety Podcast. I reached out and asked for the resources they mentioned in the episodes. I still remember attending my first virtual meeting. I was hiding in my closet, camera off, voice shaking, feeling desperate. And yet, I couldn’t have been welcomed in a more supportive and nonjudgmental way.
This recovery community is the best one I’ve ever been a part of. I’m constantly blown away by how intelligent, genuine, talented, creative, and funny the people in this group are. Kratom addicts must be one of a kind!
This group has healed me in ways I can’t even fully explain. I’m someone who needs to take baby steps when it comes to healing and doing things that scare me. That’s part of why I chose to taper slowly. This group showed me that it’s okay to be myself. To be imperfect, messy, to show up on camera with acne and no makeup (something I won’t even do with close friends) to cry, vent, laugh, be weird and goofy, and still be accepted.
It’s shown me that sober people are my kind of people.
I’ve always struggled with the idea of “come as you are.” My whole life, I felt like I had to wear a mask and be who people wanted me to be. But this group has helped me take the mask off and just be me. We support each other, cheer each other on, and welcome people in all stages of recovery.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I know I never want to be a slave to a substance again. I’d rather be miserable and sober than addicted and miserable. But the good news is, I’m not miserable. I’m the happiest I’ve been in years, because I feel truly free. I appreciate the smallest things now. I used to think I couldn’t enjoy life unless I was on kratom, but letting it go has helped me appreciate life more than ever.
At the end of it all, I’m glad I took the taper route. It gave me time to build confidence and adjust slowly without scaring myself back into relapse. It wasn’t easy, but it was manageable, and I could still show up for my responsibilities while making progress. Each small win gave me more strength.
I also kept a journal and mood log every day and never missed writing down a dose. Tracking everything kept me moving forward. Looking back, it’s wild to see all the ups and downs. There were some really tough days, but also some surprisingly good ones. Little glimmers of hope. Life isn’t meant to be euphoric 24/7. That’s not real. Kratom tricks you into thinking it is, but it always takes more than it gives.
I really think that us kratom quitters were meant to go through this. I feel like quitting kratom is a spiritual experience. Getting sober from anything is a spiritual experience, but for some reason, kratom is another beast. It's that deceiving friend who convinces you they’re genuine and have your best interests at heart, and then you wake up one day a couple years later and realize that friend is your worst enemy. It’s like an evil monkey on your back, digging its claws into you. And the part that makes it so sinister is that it really feels like it's helping for a long time.
I had one of the best years of my life on kratom. But one good year doesn’t make up for four difficult ones. It doesn’t cancel out all the money spent, the random health issues, the guilt, the shame, the way I revolved my entire life around my next dose. It’s exhausting.
Quitting kratom has given me so much of my energy back. And I don’t mean physical energy. I mean the energy you put into your job, your relationship, your friendships, your health, your spirituality, yourself. You don’t truly realize how much of your mental energy was being drained by kratom until you finally step away from it.
As I write this, I am 80 days sober from kratom and 1,280 days sober from alcohol.
At the beginning of this year, I set a goal for myself. I wanted to be clear-headed, healthy, and sober on my 30th birthday in July. Now, it looks like I will be exactly 100 days kratom-free on the day I leave for my first cruise to Europe. It’s a trip I feel good about spending money on after saving so much by quitting kratom.
I can already tell it is going to be a great moment. Entering my 30s finally sober and free feels like the beginning of something beautiful.
If you have any questions or just need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out. I’m sharing this in case it helps even one person.
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